ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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