used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
