i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
