No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize