you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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