I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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