i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
