It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
