i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize