honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
