i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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