I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
