Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
