Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
