I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
