Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
