Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
