im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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