like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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