it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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