I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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