what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize