we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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