Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
