As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
