everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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