he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
