i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Acid is not a monday night drug
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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