I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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