I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
