dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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