$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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