you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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