Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
