yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
