Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
