i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
