I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
