oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
