I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
