This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
