every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
