Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
