He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
