he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
