You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
