So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize