I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We are two peas in an std pod
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
