I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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