I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
