R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
