so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
