mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
