Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
