I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
