I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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