dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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