Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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