I only kidnapped one of them. chill
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize