3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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