you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
