then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
