Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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