i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
