From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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