Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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