Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
