i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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