your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
