Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
