Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
