Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
