I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
