Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
