I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I could make wine with my vomit
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
