can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
