someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
